Getting Old

It seems I have too many CDs. I came to this conclusion, while flipping through my CD folders and realizing I had CDs I had totally forgotten even existed.

I did a semi cleanout a few months back, but I think I need to do an even bigger one. It pains me, but it pains me a lot less than it used to.

I still buy mostly CDs, but lately I've just been buying individual songs off of iTunes. I have become that person. I will buy only my favorite artists actual CDs..needing somehow to still have material connection to the music.

I honestly don't even listen to much music anymore. Mostly in the car. Sometimes when I'm on the computer. Usually I get hooked on a song and listen to it for a good long while.

All of this points to something quite painful for me. I'm getting old. It creeps up on me, these getting old tendencies, and overtake me before I realize it. So often I fight it, flailing about in adolescence or young adulthood far longer than is normal. Or right. For me. I hold onto things I fear losing before realizing my life is better or more balanced if I just go with the natural flow of growing up.

I have such a hard time letting go.

But, there is still music.....that inspires. That reaches through the walls I put around my heart, slips under my defenses, sparks my soul. It's not as abundant and it may mean I buy only one album every few years, but it's still there. And thank God for that.

(on a side note, the first CD I will be getting rid of is Destiny's Child 8 Days of Christmas...why did I ever think I wanted it? It's awful!)