Review: Fall To Grace: A Revolution of God, Self, & Society by Jay Bakker with Martin Edlund

Jay Bakker is probably best known because of his parents, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker of The PTL Club. Those of you unfamiliar with the delights of evangelical subculture, Jim and Tammy Bakker were hugely successful televangelists who fell from grace in the 80's when all sorts of scandal broke out. When I say hugely successful, well...they had a theme park and everything.

It would stand to reason that enduring all of that public humiliation and shame mixed in with distorted messages about who God is would drive a person from God and that's exactly what happened to Jay. He quickly found himself as an alcoholic by the age of 20. Around that time, he had a friend who entered in deeply with him on his struggles. Which is to say his friend didn't judge him, he didn't try to stop him, he only loved him. Jay discovered through this the message of grace. Grace is one of those words we hear so often in Christianity yet rarely see played out in its full glory. Jay felt his life was revolutionized and he wanted to share this same message with others.

Fall to Grace is about how a proper understanding of grace revolutionizes our concept of God, ourselves, and how we can use it to revolutionize society. I absolutely loved reading it because I simply can't hear this message enough. Additionally, there's a fair bit of humor in it and it's easy reading, which is always a plus!

Bakker draws heavily on Scripture, especially Galatians, to illustrate his point. He also interweaves various stories of other people and how they first came to understand grace. His central point? Grace is exactly what we were always taught in Sunday school...unmerited favor. It cannot be earned by any good deeds we do. Likewise, we cannot really fall from it. Bakker says the church preaches more often than not a message of Grace +. Grace plus sexual purity will win God's favor, etc.

So yes I tend to agree with Bakker's position. I find that often in church we create new burdens for ourselves by creating new rules and laws that must be followed. I find that the church draws heavily on cultural sin to establish these ideas. But Bakker argues sin isn't about hurting God (as we are so often told) but hurting ourselves. I know many people who would disagree with this, and say I take a very humanistic approach to looking at God, but look, what does it mean when we think what we do offends God? I think that is also a very man-centered way of looking at things. I believe God is bigger than we can ever understand and the tiny part of Him we know, we know for our benefit.

I find it easy to fall into a performance trap so I really appreciate being reminded in books of God's unwavering love. I appreciate being reminded that there's really nothing I can do one way or another to change how God feels about me and that as such, I should offer the same grace to others.

Which leads me to the third part of the book. Jay Bakker is a gay affirming pastor, which in his words means, "someone who welcomes gay people into the church without asking them to compromise their love or lifestyle." This is me, too, minus the pastor part. While I've mentioned it a few times on here before, it's something I really struggle with because most of my family and friends who share my faith do not share this position. It may sound strange and perhaps you'll think I'm weak, but I never know how much to say about it. On the one hand, when I look back at other times that the church was oppressing others, it's easy for me to wonder why Christians who knew better didn't fight harder. (i.e. during civil rights, etc.) On the other hand, that's sort of me now, and I'm realizing that sometimes it's hard to be continually outspoken about it. You lose favor with people, they start trusting you less, and become reluctant to enter into conversation with you. It's not an easy thing to walk a path you believe is right that goes against your faith tradition. I constantly feel on the outskirts of things, even in the Christian fiction blogosphere. I don't offer this as a way of excuse, I guess I just understand a little better now. But I almost wanted to cry with relief over Bakker's book being so affirming of the gay community while he still considers himself evangelical. It was lovely to read his defense of his position and understanding of the "clobber Scriptures" (a handful of Bible verses used to tell the GLBT community why they're sinners) and while it wasn't terribly in-depth, it's a good beginning place for any Christian who sincerely seeks to understand how someone can love God, love the Bible, and not think it's a sin for someone to be in a gay relationship without feeling conflicted. I was once that person who needed to understand, so I believe there are others out there. Bakker spends a lot of time on this, not because he thinks it's the most important thing, but because he feels it's an area right now where the church really needs to grow in grace. It's a very practical opportunity for us to apply what Paul says and Bakker is offering the tools to get started.

Like I said, I loved reading this book because I need to be reminded of grace, I need to tone down my own judgmentalism, and I loved seeing someone so bold about it all. I do have a few quibbles...he credits Hebrews to Paul and really we don't know that for sure. (it's my favorite book of the Bible, otherwise I might not care. :) The book is short and not in-depth, but that makes it a great place for someone just starting to grasp the concept of grace, or for someone like myself who needs the constant reminder. And how much do I love that The Sacredness of Questioning Everything by David Dark is recommended reading?

Rating: 4/5
Things You Might Want to Know: well, if you're really conservative you're likely to be offended by this book. don't let you offense scare you away. Minor profanity.
Source of Book: ARC received from publisher
Publisher: FaithWords

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A Few Mini-Reviews

There are still a few books I'd like to share with you before the year ends! I want to start off the new year with as clean a slate as possible, so here goes:


Love is the Higher Law by David Levithan
I enjoyed this YA book for its reflections on 9/11 as seen through the eyes of three New York teenagers. Some passages felt so right and true. The book gives space to each teenager and checks in with them on 9/11 and at a few points afterwards. I think it serves a great purpose in recording authentic feelings in the aftermath for people who never knew a pre-9/11 world. (bought at the 2009 Baltimore Book Festival)

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.
Compulsively readable, this memoir is about how to tell a better story with your life. I could relate to the desire to tell a more interesting story with my life and loved the way that working on writing a movie actually inspired Miller to make his life more interesting. It felt like a shot of inspiration for the soul. I'll definitely be keeping it in mind as 2011 kicks into high gear. This book was shortlisted for the inaugural INSPY awards in creative non-fiction. (bought)

Evolving in Monkey Town by Rachel Held Evans
A long time reader of Rachel's blog, I was eager to read her memoir. She explains how she came from a fundamentalist environment, where she saw glimpses of how she might eventually question certain things and then she ended up doubting her faith. This is the story of a journey, how she came to realize that faith is strong enough to survive doubt and that it can adapt and evolve. Written compassionately and honestly, this is a book I must admit I hope many people read. Winner of the inaugural 2010 INSPY awards. (received from publisher for review)


The Perfect Love Song by Patti Callahan Henry
We interviewed Patti Callahan Henry for The Underground Literary Society and she was so super fabulous and so much fun I felt nervous to read this book. I needn't have worried! While the story is admittedly predictable, the voice of the narrator is so utterly charming and rings with so much truth that I just enjoyed every second of this delightful Christmas romance. Not too heavy on the Christmas, though! (received from publisher for review)

Review: The Lamb's Supper: The Mass as Heaven on Earth by Scott Hahn

I grew up in an evangelical Christian church and have pretty much no experience with the liturgical tradition of worship. I know this can be shocking to those deeply immersed in it and in some ways I really get this. I feel like being an evangelical is a little bit like being an American...no respect for what came before and certain the way we're doing it is the right and only way. :) (please no angry emails...I love being an American and I love many of the people in this country)

When this book came up for review, I was interested in it because I wanted to learn more about mass, something I've never attended. And the first part of the book was great for learning about mass, the importance of tradition, and more. The book is immensely readable and interesting. I'm not sure how much I retained, but it was informative. Hahn is a former protestant so he brings a great deal of enthusiasm to his chosen way of worship, and at times what felt like a bit too much. (back to that evangelical thing..I don't believe I HAVE to participate in mass to be participating in worship)

Hahn believes a lot of things about what transpires during the mass..that he explains, but I feel like my lack of context made it go right over my head. During the second part of the book, he explains how Heaven is revealed during mass and we can find all these answers about worship and heaven right in mass which is taken from Revelation primarily.

I do feel like I missed some of his point. Was his point that we are experiencing heaven on earth during mass? That actually doesn't feel like a revolutionary idea to me. In fact, I'm pretty comfortable with embracing that idea minus the many explanations he gives for why thinks it's so. It's sort of like the idea of "entertaining angels unaware to me." While that might be true, it's not going to feel any different than just entertaining my neighbor. So while I might be participating in Heaven on earth during worship, it's still going to feel like worship on earth, with tempting distractions and limited time. What appeals to me about liturgy is the idea of participating in the fellowship of the saints through the ages..knowing that Christians for years have spoken these words and derived knowledge and comfort from them. Feeling like this faith is not something detached but something rooted in the tradition and family line of all who have believed.

One complaint I do have is about the cheesy subtitles. For example, when talking about Moriah, he calls it Moriah Carry. I think this was strange and unnecessary and trust me that's not the only one. Even so, the book is short and easy to digest. Feel free to read the first chapter below.

Rating: 3.75/5
Source of Book: Received from publisher for review
Publisher: Doubleday Religion

In Heaven Right Now

WHAT I FOUND

AT MY FIRST MASS

THERE I STOOD, a man incognito, a Protestant minister in plainclothes, slipping into the back of a Catholic chapel in Milwaukee to witness my first Mass. Curiosity had driven me there, and I still didn’t feel sure that it was healthy curiosity. Studying the writings of the earliest Christians, I’d found countless references to ‘‘the liturgy,’’ ‘‘the Eucharist,’’ ‘‘the sacrifice.’’ For those first Christians, the Bible—the book I loved above all—was incomprehensible apart from the event that today’s Catholics called ‘‘the Mass.’’

I wanted to understand the early Christians; yet I’d had no experience of liturgy. So I persuaded myself to go and see, as a sort of academic exercise, but vowing all along that I would neither kneel nor take part in idolatry.

I took my seat in the shadows, in a pew at the very back of that basement chapel. Before me were a goodly number of worshipers, men and women of all ages. Their genuflections impressed me, as did their apparent concentration in prayer. Then a bell rang, and they all stood as the priest emerged from a door beside the altar.

Unsure of myself, I remained seated. For years, as an evangelical Calvinist, I’d been trained to believe that the Mass was the ultimate sacrilege a human could commit. The Mass, I had been taught, was a ritual that purported to ‘‘resacrifice Jesus Christ.’’ So I would remain an observer. I would stay seated, with my Bible open beside me.


SOAKED IN SCRIPTURE


As the Mass moved on, however, something hit me. My Bible wasn’t just beside me. It was before me—in the words of the Mass! One line was from Isaiah, another from the Psalms, another from Paul. The experience was overwhelming. I wanted to stop everything and shout, ‘‘Hey, can I explain what’s happening from Scripture? This is great!’’ Still, I maintained my observer status. I remained on the sidelines until I heard the priest pronounce the words of consecration: ‘‘This is My body . . . This is the cup of My blood.’’

Then I felt all my doubt drain away. As I saw the priest raise that white host, I felt a prayer surge from my heart in a whisper: ‘‘My Lord and my God. That’s really you!’’

I was what you might call a basket case from that point. I couldn’t imagine a greater excitement than what those words had worked upon me. Yet the experience was intensified just a moment later, when I heard the congregation recite: ‘‘Lamb of God . . . Lamb of God . . . Lamb of God,’’ and the priest respond, ‘‘This is the Lamb of God . . .’’ as he raised the host.

In less than a minute, the phrase ‘‘Lamb of God’’ had rung out four times. From long years of studying the Bible, I immediately knew where I was. I was in the Book of Revelation, where Jesus is called the Lamb no less than twenty-eight times in twenty-two chapters. I was at the marriage feast that John describes at the end of that very last book of the Bible. I was before the throne of heaven, where Jesus is hailed forever as the Lamb. I wasn’t ready for this, though—I was at Mass!


HOLY SMOKE!


I would return to Mass the next day, and the next day, and the next. Each time I went back, I would ‘‘discover’’ more of the Scriptures fulfilled before my eyes. Yet no book was as visible to me, in that dark chapel, as the Book of Revelation, the Apocalypse, which describes the worship of the angels and saints in heaven. As in that book, so in that chapel, I saw robed priests, an altar, a congregation chanting ‘‘holy, holy, holy.’’ I saw the smoke of incense; I heard the invocation of angels and saints; I myself sang the alleluias, for I was drawn ever more into this worship. I continued to sit in the back pew with my Bible, and I hardly knew which way to turn—toward the action in the Apocalypse or the action at the altar. More and more, they seemed to be the very same action.

I plunged with renewed vigor into my study of ancient Christianity and found that the earliest bishops, the Fathers of the Church, had made the same ‘‘discovery’’ I was making every morning. They considered the Book of Revelation the key to the liturgy, and the liturgy the key to the Book of Revelation. Something powerful was happening to me as a scholar and a believer. The book of the Bible that I had found most perplexing—the Book of Revelation—was now illuminating the ideas that were most foundational to my faith: the idea of the covenant as the sacred bond of the family of God. Moreover, the action that I had considered the supreme blasphemy—the Mass—now turned out to be the event that sealed God’s covenant. ‘‘This is the cup of My blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant.’’

I was giddy with the newness of it all. For years I had been trying to make sense of the Book of Revelation as some kind of encoded message about the end of the world, about worship in faraway heaven, about something most Christians couldn’t experience while still on earth. Now, after two weeks of daily Mass attendance, I found myself wanting to stand up during the liturgy and say, ‘‘Hey, everybody. Let me show you where you are in the Apocalypse! Turn to chapter four, verse eight. You’re in heaven right now.’’


STEALING MY THUNDER


In heaven right now! The Fathers of the Church showed me that this wasn’t my discovery. They had preached about it more than a thousand years ago. I was, however, convinced I deserved credit for the rediscovery of the relationship between the Mass and the Book of Revelation. Then I discovered that the Second Vatican Council had stolen my thunder. Consider the following words from the Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy:


In the earthly liturgy we share in a foretaste of that

heavenly liturgy which is celebrated in the Holy City of

Jerusalem toward which we journey as pilgrims, where

Christ is sitting at the right hand of God, Minister of the

sanctuary and of the true tabernacle. With all the warriors

of the heavenly army we sing a hymn of glory to the

Lord; venerating the memory of the saints, we hope for

some part and fellowship with them; we eagerly await the

Savior, our Lord Jesus Christ, until He, our life, shall appear

and we too will appear with Him in glory.


Wait a minute. That’s heaven. No, it’s the Mass. No, it’s the Book of Revelation. Wait a minute: it’s all of the above.

I found myself trying hard to go slowly, cautiously, careful to avoid the dangers to which converts are susceptible; for I was fast becoming a convert to the Catholic faith. Yet this discovery was not the product of an overwrought imagination; it was the solemn teaching of a council of the Catholic Church. In time, I would discover that it was also the inevitable conclusion of the most rigorous and honest Protestant scholars. One of them, Leonard Thompson, has written that ‘‘Even a cursory reading of the Book of Revelation shows the presence of liturgical language set in worship. . . . [T]he language of worship plays an important role in unifying the book.’’ The images of liturgy alone can make that strange book make sense. Liturgical figures are central to its message, Thompson writes, revealing ‘‘something more than visions of ‘things to come.’ ’’


COMING ATTRACTIONS


The Book of Revelation was about Someone Who was to come. It was about Jesus Christ and His ‘‘Second Coming,’’ which is the way Christians have commonly translated the Greek word Parousia. Through hour after hour in that chapel in Milwaukee in 1985, I came to know that that Someone was the same Jesus Christ Whom the Catholic priest lifted up in the host. If the early Christians were correct, I knew that, in that very moment, heaven touched down on earth. ‘‘My Lord and my God. That’s really You!’’

Still, serious questions remained in my mind and heart—about the nature of sacrifice, about the biblical foundations of the Mass, about the continuity of Catholic tradition, about many of the small details of liturgical worship. These questions would define my investigations through the months leading up to my reception into the Catholic Church. In a sense, they continue to define my work today. These days, however, I ask not as an accuser or a curiosity seeker, but as a son who approaches his father, asking the impossible, asking to hold a bright and distant star in the palm of his hand.

I don’t believe Our Father will refuse me, or you, the wisdom we seek regarding His Mass. It is, after all, the event in which He seals His covenant with us and makes us His children. This book is more or less a record of what I have found while investigating the riches of our Catholic tradition. Our heritage includes the whole of the Bible, the uninterrupted witness of the Mass, the constant teachings of the saints, the research of the schools, the methods of contemplative prayer, and the pastoral care of the popes and bishops. In the Mass, you and I have heaven on earth. The evidence is overwhelming. The experience is a revelation.

Review: Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman with Ellen Vaughn

The music of Steven Curtis Chapman was a certainly present when I was young, and even as I read this book, the songs began to go through my head again. He was my youth leader's musical hero and I even went on a road trip in college with some friends to see him play. (one of my friends was obsessed and had a life size cardboard cut-out)

The Chapmans are known for their support of adoption and their work to help Christian families be able to adopt. In recent times, they are also known for the sort of unthinkable tragedy no one wishes on anyone. On May 21st, 2008, their youngest son accidentally hit their youngest adopted daughter in the driveway and killed her.

To have something like this happen is awful, but to have it happen when you are a family somewhat in evangelical Christian spotlight is pretty dreadful. I have often marveled at how well the Chapman's have dealt with this publicly...honestly and yet not without hope. It's a story I can't hear without weeping and so I can only imagine what it's like to live it.

For all of these reasons, I was interested in reading Mary Beth Chapman's new book, Choosing to SEE. This book is not just about that fateful day, it's about her whole life and how she came to be the person she is. I'm always curious and interested in behind the scenes lives of public people and Mary Beth is extremely honest as she shares her struggles with depression, control, etc. The Chapman's lives were never easy going but they tried to live by faith and with love. Mary Beth doesn't paint things over to seem rosy or glowing, she's pretty candid about how much she resented her life at times. That makes me appreciate the story, as does the profound positive effect adoption had for them all.

The first half of the book is her life before Maria's death and the second half is how worked through their grief and sought healing. The writing is quite straightforward, it gets the job done, but there isn't anything particularly beautiful about it. Even so, for anyone with an interest in this family or how people deal with horrific tragedy in their lives, the book is a good one.

Choosing to SEE is available from Revell Books a division of Baker Books in bookstores everywhere.

Rating: 4/5
Things You Might Want to Know: Christian nonfiction
Source of Book: Review copy received from publisher
Publisher: Revell

Review: Hear No Evil by Matthew Paul Turner

Hear No Evil: My Story of Innocence, Music, and the Holy Ghost is a collection of personal stories by Matthew Paul Turner dealing with how music played a role in his life. Of course I wanted to read this the moment I heard about it (despite the fact that Churched remains in the TBR pile) because I'm always interested in how music plays a part in our lives. (similar to books. Music lovers, you know it's similar to books)

I really enjoyed this one, I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud so much while reading. Turner grew up in a fundamentalist church with rather strict rules. For instance, they had to sneak off to see Sandi Patty. This story humored me greatly, we actually listened to a fair bit of Christian music in my home growing up and my mom loved Sandi Patty, but all of the controversies I remember, like if a song didn't mention Jesus (like Love in any Language) it was such a bad thing. So while my home and churches were much less conservative, there were some definite commonalities. I laughed through quite a few of the early stories, but the stories towards the end really touched me. My favorite story is "Chasing Amy" which is about Turner's experience with his musical hero Amy Grant, and the opportunity he had to interview her when he worked as an editor for CCM magazine. (it was the magazine for Christian music) Amy Grant, by far, faced the judgement of the Christian subculture more than almost anyone else I can think of for both her attempt to "crossover" into mainstream pop music and her divorce. It was such an issue of hot debate, and it was interesting to read his perspective. But what I loved most of all was the way he identified Amy as "his storyteller." It's eloquently put and I know exactly what he means since I have an artist I think of in much the same terms. I just loved it.

I really recommend Hear No Evil for people who aren't afraid to laugh at the ridiculousness of the evangelical Christian subculture (while still loving it), who maybe have a fairly conservative background, who can find the grace and hope through the humor, and of course, who love music. I'd even venture to say you don't have to believe in Jesus to enjoy this book.

Rating: 4.5/5
Things You Might Want to Know: if you are particularly sensitive I recommend you stay away.
Source of Book: Received from publisher for review
Publisher: WaterBrook Press

Matthew Paul Turner is one of the most prolific people I follow on twitter, @JesusNeedsNewPR He also has a blog, Jesus Needs New PR

Giveaway: I have a copy to give away. Due to the fact that I'm poor, I need to limit this one to the United States only. Sorry. To enter, just leave a comment and tell me who your favorite Christian singer or songwriter is. If you don't have one, tell me if you've ever heard of any of them!

Review: So Long Insecurity (You've Been a Bad Friend to Us) by Beth Moore

I don't even know where to start talking about this book, but I guess I'll start with talking a little bit about me. Insecurity is by far my biggest enemy. I recognize that, I know that, I've known it since, probably junior high, I hate it, I wish it wasn't so, but I've never been able to take the necessary steps to fully work through it. It has wreaked havoc on my life in ways I'm not comfortable sharing in such an open forum, but rest assured that it has certainly had its way with me. So when I picked up this book, I figured I would like it, because I love Beth Moore and it's dealing with a huge issue in my life.

When I started reading it, I didn't feel I would be able to read it all in one go because it was so uncomfortably true. I read a section, set it down for awhile, and then consumed the majority of the book today as I sat out in the warm sunshine. I cried. I found myself surprised by the realization of JUST HOW MUCH of my life has been driven by my insecurity. I am happy to have read this book, and I hope and pray that I take it to heart. It can be so easy to read these truths and then forget them. But I don't want to forget. I want to win this battle.

I realize that this review which is a bit more of a personal journal might be a bit too much for some of you...feel free to skip it! But because the subject matter and the whole purpose of the book is to help you deal with your insecurity and because this is a book blog, well it's gonna get personal.

Beth Moore is a Christian speaker and writer, I feel I should say that first, so this book is about dealing with your insecurity through your relationship with God. Her whole assertion is that we can be whole and be clothed in dignity and security because of who God is. If you have never read her books or done her studies she has a real gift of communication...of communicating God's love and tenderness towards us. She doesn't deny bad things or tempting sin at all, she never minimizes how hard life is, her central message is that we are created to have loving relationships with God. She does have some conservative theological leanings that might bother some (I don't agree with everything she teaches for example), but she has successfully ministered to women across the Christian experience, she desires unity in the body of Christ and this has always impressed me.

Anyway, she makes many points in this book which I really appreciated. First, she establishes what insecurity is and that pretty much every woman has faced it in different degrees and that if often masks itself as something else. She provides Biblical examples, she shares anonymous stories that people shared on her blog, she examines the roots of insecurity, and then the gold for me is a prayer exercise she has in the middle of the book. I actually wept as I prayed through some of these things and as I tried to dig into the deepest darkest parts of myself. And when I finished I really felt a lot of peace...and hope that maybe I really will be able to fight this.

She also spends considerable time examining the ways men and women deal with insecurity differently. She's very careful to say she's speaking in generalities, but for the most part we are insecure about different things and we usually respond opposite of one another. It's helpful to be aware in relationships to know that this is true.

One point she brings up is that we all have a false positive, the thing we think if it was fixed in our lives would make us secure in all other areas. I really struggled with this, because I feel pretty insecure in a couple of different areas. I think maybe the false positive changes depending on the situation.

And like any good counseling, she brings you to a point where you have to look at what you're really afraid of, since insecurity is mostly driven by fear. If all the bad things you think might happen, happened, would you still come out okay somehow with God?

This book just really hit me where I am right now. I'm turning 30 this year, and it's time I really dealt with this. So very much of what she said rang true for me and it was like having someone peak into the ugly parts of who I am. I'm excited to really apply this and go forth and not be afraid of who God created me to be.

Also, since this is supposed to be a review, I'll say that Beth's writing style is extremely engaging, she's funny, and it's light and easy to read. She is gifted with communication there's no doubt about that.

Rating: 5/5
Things You Might Want to Know: Christian nonfiction
Publisher: Tyndale
Source of Book: Received from publisher for review.

Mad Enough to Change

I’m seriously ticked. And I need to do something about it. Some people eat when they’re about to rupture with emotion. Others throw up. Or jog. Or go to bed. Some have a holy fit. Others stuff it and try to forget it. I can do all those things in sequential order, but I still don’t find relief.

When my soul is inflating until my skin feels like a balloon about to pop, I write. Never longhand, if I can help it. The more emotion I feel, the more I appreciate banging on the keys of a computer. I type by faith and not by sight. My keyboard can attest to the fact that I am a passionate person with an obsession for words: most of the vowels are worn off. The word ticked really should have more vowels. Maybe what I am is peeved. That’s a good one. How about irrationally irritated to oblivion? Let that one wear the vowels off a keyboard.

The thing is, I’m not even sure exactly who I’m ticked at. I’m hoping to find that out as I hack away at these chapters. One thing is for certain. Once I figure it out, I probably won’t keep it to myself. After all, you know how the saying goes: hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And I’m feeling scorned.

But not just for myself. I’m feeling ticked for the whole mess of us born with a pair of X chromosomes. My whole ministry life is lived out in the blessed chaos of a female cornucopia. I’ve been looking at our gender through the lens of Scripture for twenty-five solid years, and I have pondered over us, taken up for us, laid into us, deliberated over us, prayed about us, lost sleep because of us, cried for us, laughed my head off at us, and gotten offended for us—and by us—more times than I can count. And after a quarter of a century surrounded by girls ranging all the way from kindergarteners to those resting on pale pink liners inside caskets, I’ve come to this loving conclusion: we need help. I need help. Something more than what we’re getting.

The woman I passed a few days ago on the freeway who was bawling her eyes out at the steering wheel of her Nissan needs help. The girl lying about her age in order to get a job in a topless bar needs help. The divorcée who has loathed herself into fifty extra pounds needs help. For crying out loud, that female rock star I’ve disdained for years needs help. When I read something demeaning her ex said about her recently—something I know would cut any female to the quick—I jumped to her defense like a jackal on a field mouse and seriously wondered how I could contact her agent and offer to mentor her in Bible study.

Several days ago I sat in a tearoom across the table from a gorgeous woman I love dearly. She has been married for three months, and they did all the right things leading up to that sacred ceremony, heightening the anticipation considerably. After an hour or so of musing over marriage, she said to me, “Last weekend he seemed disinterested in me. I’ll be honest with you. It kind of shook me up. I wanted to ask him, ‘So, are you over me now? That quick? That’s it?’”

I’m pretty certain her husband will perk back up, but what a tragedy that she feels like she possesses the shelf life of a video game.

I flashed back to another recent communication with a magazine-cover-beautiful thirty-year-old woman who mentioned—almost in passing—that she has to dress up in costumes in order for her husband to want to make love to her. I’m not knocking her pink-feathered heels, but I wonder if she is paying too much for them. I’m just sad that she can’t feel desirable as herself.

Then yesterday I learned that a darling fifteen-year-old I keep in touch with slept with her boyfriend in a last-ditch effort to hold on to him. He broke up with her anyway. Then he told. It’s all over her high school now.

I’ve got a loved one going through her third divorce. She wants to find a good man in the worst way, and goodness knows they’re out there. The problem is, she keeps marrying the same kind of man.

I’m so ticked.

If these examples were exceptions to the rule, I wouldn’t bother writing, but you and I both know better than that. I hear echoes of fear and desperation from women day in and day out—even if they’re doing their best to muffle the sound with their Coach bags. Oh, who am I kidding? I hear reverberations from my own heart more times than I want to admit. I keep trying to stifle it, but it won’t shut up. Something’s wrong with us for us to value ourselves so little. Our culture has thrown us under the bus. We have a fissure down the spine of our souls and, boy, does it need fixing.

This morning while I was getting ready for church, my cell phone nearly vibrated off the bathroom counter with six incoming texts from a single friend who was having a crisis of heart. I answered her with what little I had to give, even as I grappled with my own issues. I decided that what I needed was a good sermon to keep me from crying off my eyeliner, so I flipped on the television to a terrific local preacher. Lo and behold, the sermon was about what a woman needs from a man.

Deep sigh.

Actually, it was a great message if anyone had a mind to do what he was recommending, but knowing human nature and feeling uncharacteristically cynical, I could feel my frustration mounting. The preacher had done his homework. He offered half a dozen Scripture-based PowerPoint slides with state-of-the-art graphics describing what men should do for women. “Women want to be told that they are captivating. That they’re beautiful. Desirable.”

I won’t deny that. What woman wouldn’t thrive under that kind of steady affirmation?

But here’s my question: What if no one tells us that? Can we still find a way to be okay? Or what if he says it because he’s supposed to, but to be honest, he’s not feeling it? Are we hopeless? What if a man is not captivated by us? What if he doesn’t think we’re particularly beautiful? Or, understandably, maybe just not every day? Are we only secure on his “on” days? What if he loves us but is not quite as captivated by us as he used to be? What if his computer is full of images of what he finds attractive, and we’re light-years from it? What if we’re seventy-five, and every ounce of desirability is long behind us? Can we still feel adequate in our media-driven society?



Adapted from So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. Copyright © 2010 by Beth Moore. Used with permission from Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved.