In spite of all that's wrong here
There's still so much that goes so right
And beauty abounds
Cause sometimes when you walk outside
The air is full of song here
The thunder rolls and the baby sighs
And the rain comes down
And when you see the spring has come
And it warms you like a mother's kiss
Don't you want to thank someone?
So...this is a post that is mostly personal on today, Thanksgiving, when no one will be reading :D
I haven't talked about him for a long time, but my most favorite singer/musician person is Andrew Peterson. He is an artist of faith so if you don't share our Christian faith his music might not mean anything to you, but it means oh so much to me. He's also a poet and a story teller, his songs feel full of the goodness of life, drenched in grace, ever aware of the limitations of being human and mortal and longing for the divine. Apparently there are people that don't like him, though, such as my family!! (minus my sister BLESS HER) because last year during the holidays I tried to force them all to listen to him, I mean Andrew Peterson! His music is the holidays to me...everything good about life and art. But...they weren't bowled over as I expected, no one seemed to feel as if their life had changed forever...I suspect they even wanted to change the music...I share this story so that you'll know we can still be friends even if you don't love Andrew Peterson, though it's advisable you don't talk about the whys etc of why you don't like him around me. Just kidding. Sort of.
Anyway! His most recent album, Light for the Lost Boy, has a closing song that is so typical of his albums closing song...it is THE song. It is rich and beautiful and it makes my heart feel like it's going to explode out of my chest with truth and identification. It's perfect for Thanksgiving because it's about, well, how sometimes you want to thank someone. :)
I'm kind of an easy person to influence emotionally, I think, in that little things can make me quite happy and also very blue. This week I went to see Cloud Atlas and failed. It's been kind of a long story as to why I haven't seen it yet...I meant to see it right away, but then I hadn't written my review of the book so I decided to wait (Iris, if you read this, I don't blame you!) but then I realized a whole bunch of new movies would be coming out so if I was going to see it, I needed to go ahead and go see it, BUT THEN the one day I had a chance to go they cancelled it so they could have extra showings of Breaking Dawn. So finally, Tuesday, I realized I needed to go because it was probably the last day it would be in theater. So I went and bought my ticket and went back to the theater and it was PITCH BLACK. Like scary black, no lights on, etc. I was genuinely puzzled and asked at concessions where they were also puzzled so I went up to the box office. And...it turns out they cancelled the movie because they were installing new digital projectors. And I kid you not, I burst into tears. It was so mortifying and I felt really bad for the manager because I'm pretty sure that's not in her job description to deal with crying customers. They were super nice to me and refunded my money and gave me another pass and stuff, but the thing is the movie is definitely gone from the theater and for good reason since they cancelled that showing and didn't even bother to announce it! But anyway once I got over my embarrassment, I started thinking about why that happened. I mean you don't cry on the spot because you can't see a movie! It will be on DVD and maybe even at the discount theater! I think it's just a minor disappointment, but it's a minor disappointment that somehow opened the floodgates of stuff I clearly haven't processed. I think sometimes you know, we have these really deep disappointments and hurts that we don't let ourselves feel and this for me has been a trying year and this Thanksgiving is a kind of a sad one for me and I think that small Cloud Atlas disappointment was just an excuse for me to let it all out. I just wish it hadn't been in such a public and ridiculous way! I'll take a sad movie next time, instead!
But anyway to bring this all around, I was thinking about that song and I was thinking about how some years feel harder than others to be thankful even though I know I still have so much to be thankful for. And I was thinking about how I always feel like Andrew Peterson gets that, that weird tension between the ache of knowing imperfection and living with it day in and day out and still also, though, having the impulse to feel gratitude for a kind of joy that lies hidden just underneath what we can see. I still believe in goodness and beauty and grace even when it feels so far away from my present reality. There's a kind of grace that knits the world together, I really believe this, and I feel stirred most often by it in the wondrous beauty of nature, but also sometimes in the joy of just loving others and seeing them happy. And that's what faith gives me, it gives me someone to direct that to, that unexpected gratitude that wells up in my heart. It gives me an assurance that day in and day out no matter how ridiculous I am or how monotonous my life might feel, I am not alone.
I don't know what is happening in your life this Thanksgiving, but if you are American and celebrating I hope you have the best one possible. I am thankful for all of you, I probably don't say it enough, but your comments and your friendship are often a refuge in a world that seems crazy. I'm so lucky to know you all and I appreciate so much your ever kindness to me. Take care and have a good one, friends!