Sunday, August 12, 2012

Burning Yourself Up

Do you guys remember when back to school used to be like the last week of August/first week of September? It seems SO EARLY to me to be going back to school, and it's also so hot out there. I mean...I'm not going back to school (sadly), but a lot of the schools in my area are. It's weird.

Yesterday we had 102 degree weather and then all of a sudden a little mini thunderstorm! I was so happy because the temps dropped, but also the skies were grey! And it reminded me that even though it's hot right now and back to school seems a little early...the season of spooky reading is almost here! Yaaaay!

Beth Kephart posted a quote yesterday by Sarah Hepola that I am reposting because it made me think a lot and also because it is relevant:

I worry about anyone who is lighting themselves on fire for our enjoyment. I worry about the bloggers and viral stars who have burned up so much of themselves for the prize of a few thousand followers. Our attention span is so short these days. One minute you’re a meteorite lighting up Google Trends, the next minute you fall back to earth, another piece of ugly, busted-up coal.

I have never been an internet star, obviously, but I do remember that I used to do so much more than I do now. Like the first couple of BBAWs, I was on my computer almost 24/7 trying to get everything done. I was always reading and blogging and trying to be everywhere. Now BBAW is supposed to be less than a month away and I'm still trying to get a design for the site! I'm seriously considering calling it off because I don't know if there's a place for it anymore. Armchair BEA kind of serves the same function and has a larger more dedicated team. The awards became much more headache than they were worth, I think? Like I don't know if the positive of the awards ever outweighed the bad. And I saw someone else started another awards program anyway. I don't know, I haven't made any final decisions yet, I may still try to do a quiet week, because I still love book blogging and still think it's the most welcoming internet community I've been a part of, but I don't know if people will be interested in a BBAW without awards or giveaways.

But anyway that line about "burning up so much of themselves" (and I think this is about your personal life, but I don't care that's what it felt like) resonated so much. I think I burned myself out, perhaps in a permanent fashion those years when I was doing BBAW, and Buy Books for the Holidays, and the Inspys, and working on the book blogger convention, etc. And because it wasn't know because they didn't result in much that lasted, I wonder if sometimes it killed a part of my creative self as well. That it burned up a part of me that I can't exactly get back.

I still get ideas from time to time about things I'd like to do on this blog..they usually relate to stuff I really love, but I'm so hesitant to really get into anything new. (And I've had an idea for a tumblr I've wanted to do for ages too if you happen to love TV and books and tumblr and want to help let me know!) Anyway this turned into way more of a confessional than I intended, but there you have it.

In any case, sometimes I miss being a bigger part of book blogging and being creative and innovative and doing new things, but the truth is I don't know if I'll ever get that back. I also enjoy the quieter more relaxed approach.

I hope you all have fun plans for the day! I plan to relax as much as possible!


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