Thursday, July 7, 2005

God loves me

There are know them, when God is just so real, I think that if I reach out my hand, I might find His. It's almost as if I can feel his breath on me....these are the days when I think that maybe I am finally getting to know Him a bit.

Today was one of those days. You see, I got a new job. I was excited about it, because the pay was a lot better than what I am getting currently and it's much more in my target field than what I am currently doing. In addition, there were many times it felt like an interview was going to fall through...but wow these people really pursued me like I have never ever been pursued for a job. I was the very last person to interview. The interview was intense...almost as intense as my interview with the C&MA, though not nearly as personal. (thank God...not too sure how many more of those interviews I can take in life...let's keep them to a minimum, Lord, please!) There were four people on the interview panel and first I had to read a passage, choose some answers to questions and defend my choices during an interrogation. For those of you who know me well, that is really difficult for me...I like to conform to what I think people expect me to be and say...and though with time that has gotten a bit better....I am still a work in progress. Then there were a bunch of questions about my personality and working habits and preferences. Then a lot of questions about Japan...that was the easy part...I love talking about my experiences in Japan.

They called me that afternoon and told me I had the job. Today when I went back to work after being out sick with a case of the nerves over giving my notice...I found out my job is to be ended on Friday anyway.

Wow. God's timing. His perfect beautiful amazing unknowable timing. I'm not saying that everytime someone gets laid off, there will be a job waiting for them. I've had my very fair share of job struggles. But this time, things were different. I could almost feel that it was really God reaching out to me...pursuing me through this job to remind that He is in control, He will provide for my needs, and He loves me. I even get a week off, which is going to be really fun...I'm going to see Reuben Morgan among other things.

God loves me. I get so caught up in my own thoughts, bound by expectations, shackled by my unbelief and self-absorption. But the truth a bright shining sword piercing my heart that God loves me and is in control. And whatever the journey holds next...those truths remain.

I am prone to discouragement, depression, and self-doubt. A lot of it is my temperment...the same termperment that blesses me with sensitivity, compassion, and insight. So days like today...when God feels so close I can touch Him...almost...are precious and worth blogging about. Even if I did just write an entry a few days ago.

So, this is a record for myself....a way to remind myself that His ways are not my ways...something He has been whispering to me about a lot the next time I feel like God is so far away He might as well be bound on Saturn...I can come back here and read this and know truth. And maybe you can be blessed too.

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