The Greatest Love of All?

Joshilyn Jackson recently wrote this on her blog in regards to Whitney Houston:

...I never forgave her for THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL. I HATE that song. It was our class song, too, UGH. For the record, I voted for Rock Lobster.

If you listen to the WORDS...the song is about floppy-quartz-healed-my-soul-crystal-mystic-too-much-therapy-ese love. Puke.

Learning to love yourself is NOT the greatest love of all. Loving yourself is EASY---every sociopath and narcissist on earth can manage it in a dead sleep. We are BORN loving only ourselves and 90% of our problems come from staying there.

Actual love is about service. It’s learning to love other people that is hard. Other people are IRRITATING and they DO NOT DO WHAT YOU WANT. They have NEEDS and SMELLS and STUPID OPINIONS. But when folks can manage it, they find loving other people makes them helpful and kind. When folks are helpful and kind, they love themselves as a by product of ACTUALLY BECOMING LOVEABLE, and that’s a good idea.

We love the thing we serve.

I thought this was very interesting and mostly right. I grew up in an environment where having a good self-esteem was seen as a bit of a hokey idea. But I didn't have a good self-esteem. For me, learning to forgive myself and give grace to myself and like myself were all very revolutionary and are still in process. Being told, in fact, that God loved me regardless of the big huge seemingly unforgivable mistakes I had made and that He loved me THE SAME as if I had never done them was actually very big. And those words needed to be spoken to me verbally, and they were followed by something about loving myself.

I do, however, know that Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Loving ourselves is obviously something that's assumed we do. I think that it's true that we serve ourselves. We eat when we're hungry, we download music we want to listen to, and we read the blogs we want to read. I think all of those things are possible, though, without liking oneself. Don't we all have at least moments when we think..."wow, I really don't like myself?"

I would love to hear your thoughts about this. And your personal experiences if you're bold enough to share. And if you hate this song as much as Joshilyn. (for the record, I don't really like either, but I do believe that children are the future and need to be loved and nurtured.)

The Burning of Uncertainty

Friday was the last day for almost one hundred people at my work. They were part of what is expected to be a first wave of lay-offs. They were given (in what my opinion was very generous) two months notice, so for the past two months we've all been walking around very carefully so as not to say the wrong thing. I've been diving into hiding to avoid the many hostile glares because I managed to keep my job. I am thankful the company values what's happening in my little room. That's all I can say.

The same week the lay-offs were announced, the house I rented in got notice of foreclosure. I suddenly felt like all the problems with the economy were coming to visit me. I started to worry about my job, about finding a good place to live, all of it.

So far it's worked out for me. But I know that next week begins a very uncertain time for some of my former students.

I feel like everyone is a bit uncertain at the moment. Brewing underneath the surface of acting like we are going on with life as normal, business as usual fear and worry and uncertainty have taken up residence in our lives. The news is never good, the presidential candidates are not offering any particular hope, hunger continues to sweep through the world, and violence seems to escalate with every passing second. It's the very best time to believe in God.

The title of this post comes from a Sarah McLachlan song. I love the phrase because it's such an unusual way of putting those words together and yet so true. Uncertainty does burn and is terribly uncomfortable. And slowly, if we are not careful, it can erode our faith in God, and feed the fire of our doubts and insecurities until we use fear as our motivator, neglecting faith and forgetting to trust.

The whole song is beautiful and so even though it doesn't exactly have anything to do with this post, I've attached it for your enjoyment.

$32 a Month or Five Loaves and 2 Fish

I have always thought of the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand being a story about how God can provide. I have thought this to be the main point...God can provide abundantly all that we need, if we trust Him.

I attended a benefit concert this past weekend where I got a slightly new look at it. A very encouraging one I might add. God provided all that was needed out of the offering of two fish and five loaves of bread.

When I look at the world in need, it seems overwhelming. The Global Food Crisis, the natural disasters, the suffering environment. It is so easy to get discouraged and think that I can't help, that sponsoring just a few children is really not doing much, that the check I tossed in the basket Saturday night will barely buy a meal for the suffering in Myanmar.

The truth is that God can provide abundantly all that we need, if we trust Him.

But you know what? Jesus made that miracle but first someone had to offer up their own lunch. And from that sacrifice, little in comparison to the need that faced them (in fact, offering such a little bit of food must have seemed ridiculous), but huge to the one who gave it--all were fed.

So if perhaps, you are feeling discouraged today about sponsoring your child, that is doesn't feel like enough, remember that the whole family is blessed through sponsorship, and in turn, the whole community. :) Your gift faithfully given in love will in turn bless more than is possible through your own means, but by giving it to Jesus, He can make it go around.

Call to Fast for Myanmar

The situation in Myanmar is really unsettling. Not only has the natural disaster taken its toll, but the military/government is not helping people get the aid they need. It's not enough to give money at this point (who knows where it will go?), we have to pray.

I read headlines like..."spoiled food delivered to survivors" and feel sick.

I spend a fair bit of time blogging each day...between writing my own posts and trying to respond to comments, and reading other blogs.

I'm proposing a day of fasting tomorrow. Not just from eating but from blogging as well. Taking the time I would to do those things and instead praying for the victims in Myanmar.

Obviously, I'm not fasting in secret, because I'm hoping against hope that some of you will join me. Let's take the time to pray for Myanmar. Let's ask the True Provider and Only One who can intervene to do just that. Feel free to let me know you joined me in comments (it will be encouraging, I think) or simply don't blog tomorrow, it's up to you. I hope you will join in.

I am still blogging Idol tonight and then I'll see you back here Thursday. (hopefully)

What do you do?

Gas stations always seem like the place to run a con in movies and on tv and admittedly, I often get hit up there as well.

In fact, I would say that gas stations and my local CVS are the two places I most often get asked for money.

Normally, in the past, I always said no. I had a friend when I was in high school who would actually pick people up who had the will-work-for-food signs and take them to her house to do work. She never really had any successful experiences with it, as they would often disappear or fabricate an excuse as to why couldn't help in her yard. So the seeds were sown that these people weren't seriously in need.

I had another experience working with the homeless in Atlanta. We prepared bags of food and took them to the streets, passing them out to the homeless. It wasn't much you know, some rice and sausage, a packet of cookies. Shadowing those with more experience, I watched when some would ask for more food. "For a friend," he said. My initial reaction was..."no way!" But the guy I was with, chuckled and said, "A friend, huh?" and gave him another bag.

There's a verse I've struggled to understand all my life. It seems so hard and it flies against all logic and reason.

This verse rattled around inside my brain when I said no to the guy at CVS who wanted to wash my car windows for some change. I was in a hurry to go grab my lunch and didn't want to take the time. He's asked me for money before, but at least this time he was even willing to do some work for it! As I drove away, I felt seared by the words in this verse.

This same verse popped up immediately Friday night when I stopped for gas, and a woman approached me. She claimed she was bleeding, though I couldn't see any blood and had just escaped from her abusive alcoholic husband, but needed some gas. I didn't believe her. But those words...those words were pounding in my head.

They come from Matthew: Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
So I bought her ten dollars worth of gas. Was it a con? Yes, but I knew that going in. I especially knew it when a man walked by with a gas can as I was filling up my own car and pointed to the car and asked for some help to buy gas. (was he the alcoholic abusive husband?) Even though they lied to get some gas, I don't know what was really going on in their lives. I don't know God's purpose for our lives intersecting that night, or for the sense I had that I needed to obey and give them money against my better judgement.

Could I have given that ten dollars to an organization that would have used it more wisely, like Compassion? Perhaps, but in truth I might have ended up spending it on Diet Mountain Dew or something.

I'd love to know what you all think about this verse, how you apply it to your life and what you do in these situations. I think it's worth talking about and I'm hoping to get a little discussion.

Homesick

There is an ache that lives in the deepest part of me. There are times when I can almost forget its presence. When I live in my routine, do my grocery shopping, drive to work, explain something to my students, I don’t feel it.

When I watch the news and see children dying, violence erupting, sorrow escalating, it rears its ugly head. It bares its teeth and screams at me, and I am reminded….

Or when I smell a homecooked meal, laugh from the belly with my friends, watch the sun descend in all its glory rays like fingers stretching across the sky, brilliant colors…the sweetness of it steals my breath as the ache pulses through me, and I am reminded…

It’s a gift.

One foot in front of the other, this is a journey towards Home. But the destination is not a place like this one we know now, it’s a Someone. For now I see through a glass darkly, but one day I will know fully even as I am known.

(I am submitting this post to Scribbit's Write Away Contest.)

February Non-Fiction Read: Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne Part One

I know February has been over for awhile now, but I haven’t been able to think about what I wanted to write about this book. It’s a small book, but it packs quite a bit of punch. Many people have claimed their lives were forever changed by reading it. I did find it both inspirational and challenging.

I plan to write a few posts on things I thought about while reading this book. It wasn’t the first book with these sorts of themes I’ve read and I read a lot of blogs that talk about some of these ideas. Therefore, I don’t think some of the basic ideas were as new to me or made as much of an impact as they would have if I was coming from a place of not caring about social justice or the Kingdom. But I would like to talk about both the positive and negative things I thought about as best as I can remember.

One little thing that stood out to me, more than perhaps than it would to others, is what he wrote about being single. I have long been troubled by what I see as family worship in our churches. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe that God gave us our families, that we are meant to love them, and that it’s important to talk about families and family relationships in church. But, quite honestly, I also think the church is supposed to reach out to the lonely, the orphans, the widows, and the singles. In fact, some of those are supposed to be priorities. I think those priorities have been shoved aside, though not completely ignored, in favor of attracting young families to churches. Additionally, I’ve seen quite a few families who have thrown all their weight about to keep their kids from going to the mission field. Or even going to Bible college out of state. I consider that to be family worship…family has trumped God in this case.

So when he mentions in this book that he was taught in church that it’s sort of the ultimate goal to get married, I really identified with that. I mean honestly, it’s hard not to feel like a bit of a failure when you’re not married by 22. But more than that, what challenged me is that while I am pretty comfortable with being single, I don’t necessarily use it as the gift it’s meant to be. The gift of being single lies in the ability to have just one priority. Just one focus. God. His Kingdom. When you have a family, naturally your attentions are divided, but in being single you can devote yourself wholeheartedly. So I was challenged to figure out what that means for me. How am I using this gift?

Feel free to let me know if you read this book in comments. Please note I plan at least one more post on this book.

Loving the Unloveable

I commented on a post over at the Compassion blog about how cute the one millionth registered child was and how I just wanted to hug him.

One of the bloggers commented back that we need to remember the children we don't want to hug. Of course I felt a little bit ashamed for such a frivolous comment at first, but I knew he was right.

It's easy to love the loveable.

We have all sorts of ways of ranking people in the world--cool people, good people, authentic people, pretty people, good blogging people...ha.

In theory, it is easy to talk about loving our neighbor and knowing that Jesus wants this from us.

In practice, it is tremendously difficult to remember that love is not like. It can be hard to do things for people who get on our nerves every last waking second. It can be less than pleasant to treat others with the same respect, dignity, and courtesy that we wish to be treated with.

I think we have all felt like an outcast at times. Isn't it amazing that we have the power by help others not feel this way?

So I was reminded again today that Jesus loves the least among us, and so should we. It's our great honor to do so.

And so that's my final Compassion post and it really has little to do with the organization Compassion--other than that they are obviously practicing these very ideas by caring for children around the world and enabling us to join in the work with our dollars and our hearts.

Sponsor a child and join in the good fight.

(ETA: Krista let me know which area of Compassion I should send the 25 dollars to!)

Not a Disqualification

Despite having grown up in church, and having loved Jesus from a very young age, there are still parts of the Bible that baffle me and that I haven't actually been able to courageously apply to my own life yet.

One of the things that I seem unable to fully wrap my head around is the idea that God works through and uses our weaknesses.

I can see it in others but for some reason, knowing myself as fully as I do, I doubt that it's the same for me.

If you ask me to do something, I'll probably give you a list of reasons why I'm the wrong person for the job.

I am still working on moving my confidences from myself to God, I guess.

I was encouraged and blessed by this quote that I read in Sunday's bulletin:

"What keeps us from being heroes of the faith, besides our fear of having to give up things that we like for a season or some of our personal dreams--and the remote possibility that we might be killed? Usually it is the belief that we don't have what it takes to do anything of significance for God. That is not a diqualification, however, but a sign that we just might be useable." Steve Saint

Why Christmas (and not Easter)

As Christians, we have two major holidays that we celebrate each year, most commonly referred to as the birth of Christ and the resurrection of Christ. But it's obvious that one is vastly more popular than the other.

I'm not going to lie...I prefer Christmas. But so often, I've heard people say that Easter (or Resurrection Sunday) should be the bigger holiday. I was pondering this the other day, and I disagree.

While the resurrection gives us every hope we have, it was the end of the journey. Christmas, however, celebrates not just the birth of Jesus, but the life of Jesus. Without the perfect life lived in our place, we would have nothing. What I think is so special about Christmas is that we reflect on and celebrate not only the death and resurrection of Jesus, but the very fact that He came to earth at all. We celebrate the birthplace of hope, the moment the darkness was shattered and time was changed because God became man and came to dwell among us. But in so doing, we also celebrate what His death and resurrection mean to us. I guess what I'm saying is this--Christmas looks at the whole picture through the eyes of joyful expectation and hope. And that is why I love it so much.

The Darfur Puppy

I've been reading a lot more about what's going on in this world since starting to work on Inspired to Action.

It's been really good for me. But more about that later.

I came across this editorial as I was doing my reading and research. In a nutshell, it talks about how people are more likely to give to a single and specific person then to a general cause.

It made loads of sense to me.

It's probaby the reason why Compassion International has been successful with child sponsorship programs. Each sponsor is linked to a child they are able to develop a relationship with.

It's all about relationships. If you tell me that over 3,000 people have been killed by a cyclone in Bangladesh, the truth is I'll feel a moment of sorrow but it's not really going to alter the course of my day. But the moment you tell me Shampa has been affected, a little girl I support through Compassion whose letters have challenged and changed me, I become immediately concerned. See, I have pictures of Shampa. I have letters from her. I pray for her. She is a part of my life. I care a million times more.

But it doesn't even have to be that involved. While we watch celebrities make bad decisions and get plastered all over magazines nationwide, we often feel we have the right to comment on their decisions and lifestyle choices. After all, they are a part of our lives, because we know who they are. We own their cd. We saw their movie.

We operate in relationships. God reveals Himself to us through relationships, because He is a relational God. Father. Master. King. Closer than a brother. Lover. Friend.

God put us in relationships here on earth. He set us into families to grow. He gave us each other as brothers and sisters. Oh, the family of God. And He commanded us to be the family for those whose earthly family has failed. Orphans. Widows.

In addiction circles they say it is in relationship that you were broken, and so it must be in relationship that you will heal.

That, I think, is the reason why if you show me a picture of a starving little girl in Africa and tell me her name and ask me to give some money to feed her, my heart will be stirred to give. I now have, however slender and slight, a relationship with that girl. But if you merely ask me to give to end starvation in Africa, I will feel less inclined. It's just another big problem of the many big problems in the world.

So it makes sense. If you want to change the world, and inspire others to do the same, you have to start one relationship built at a time.

To Say Hello is to say Good-bye

Some good friends of mine are in the air right now, on their way back to South Africa. They have quite a long trip, considering they left yesterday. They are traveling with their nearly one year old son. Good luck to them!

They were here for three years. During those three years, they worked incredibly hard to acculturate. They started their family. They put everything they had into planting a cell church and living in America. But as the time came for them to renew their visas, circumstances were such that it was time for them to go home.

I feel really blessed to have known them for the past bit. Their adaptation to California made my adaptation to California seem not so strange. They love God and they showed it in everything they did. They opened up and they shared their lives. They offered friendship.

In some ways, I feel blessed to have dear friends (and family!) all over the world. In other ways, it's hard, because when the time comes to say good-bye, you know things will never be the same. You may email, facebook, and stay in touch, but you will never again share the same life. If you know what I mean.

Life changes. Friends come and go. And there's sorrow and joy in the hellos and good-byes. Sometimes, I like to imagine heaven as the place where the fragmented pieces of our lives come together and are made whole. Where the body of Christ is truly made one. Where the hard decisions to obey in this life pay out in the reward of seeing our Father. And the light of His face illuminates the whys behind the suffering.

For now, to choose to love is to embrace pain. To hold the broken, the lost, the lonely in our hearts is to suffer with them. To say hello is to one day say good-bye.

Traffic Jam

So this morning, I got into my car and headed for work just like countless other mornings. I drove merrily down the road, listening to the ever irritating radio, singing my heart out when they played a good song. All was well.

And then, I got onto the freeway and....lo and behold, the cars. weren't. moving.
(why oh, why do I never hear the traffic report until I'm already in the thick of it?)

It took me two hours to get to work today. Towards the end, my patience had worn completely thin, I was totally exhausted, and an hour late for work. But I made it.

Isn't that just like life? We are going about our business of living and then we hit a traffic jam, if you will, or an obstacle that completely changes our plans. We think we have a goal to reach, but the path has become much slower than ever imagined. In fact, that's what my life at present feels like. I'm still miles away from my destination, steadily going there, but much much much slower than I thought when I started out.

The good news is that I made it to work today. And in a small way, this gives me hope for life.

Making it to the Finish Line

One of my favorite students has decided to exit the program.

It took me by surprise. The option to exit instead of complete the program has been available to her for a long time. She seemed determined to complete the program and redeem the year plus she has spent with me. I really believed she could do it. She had the intent (one of our three key ingredients to learning a process) and she was even putting in extra time at home.

So what happened? Over the past year, we've talked about her insecurities in the educational realm. We've talked about her family and her struggle to feel accepted by her in-laws. We've talked about her seven year old son's intellectual zeal. All of these things were battling against her.

So much of education is a sales pitch. I'm actually pretty passionate about what I do. I believe it works. I would love to see all of my students graduate rather than merely satisfy the company's minimum requirements. I've seen lives changed for the better. I've seen my former students get promoted as a result of their new ease with reading, and therefore increased capacity to take in knowledge. I've had students tell me I've taught them more than anyone else in their lives. I've listened to stories of students buying their first ever novel, starting to read their mail, feeling confident about reading to their children and grandchildren. So I know that what I do works and matters.

But that's the other side. That's the end of the road. That's after the struggle. That's after several pep talks. That's after hours of wondering if this is really going to work. It's the victory at the end of the war.

Isn't that life? Wondering if the victory will be real? If the struggle and the strife and the pain and the time will be redeemed? And wondering most of all, if we'll make it?


From Robertson McQuilken's poem, Let Me Get Home Before Dark:

It's sundown, Lord.
The shadows of my life stretch back
Into the dimness of the years long spent.
I fear not death, for that grim fore betrays himself
at last,
Thrusting me forever into life:
Life with you, unsoiled and free.
But I do fear.
I fear the Dark Spectre may come too soon--
or do I mean too late?
That I should end before I finish or
finish, but not well.
That I should stain your honor, shame your name,
grieve your loving heart.
Few, they tell me, finsih well...
Lord, let me get home before dark.

Daremo Shiranai

I recently finished watching the Japanese film, Daremo Shiranai (Nobody Knows). I say finished watching it, because the first DVD I watched was scratched and had to be replaced. I had wanted to watch this movie for a long time for several reasons. It takes place in Japan. The young actor Yuya Yagira was the youngest actor ever to win best actor at Cannes for his role, and subsequently the film received a fair bit of press.

This film is somewhat based on true events known as the Affair of the four abandoned children of Sugamo. I did a bit of research, however, and it turns out that the true events were much more awful than the film's portrayal. I think the film wanted to communicate a different point than a sensationalized tale. I think it succeeded.

Four children, each with a different father, are left for long stretches of time by their mother alone in their apartment. By long stretches of time, I mean weeks and months. She leaves them some money and disappears, putting her oldest son, 12 years old in charge. No one in the apartment knows she has more children than this one son, Akira. When she moves the family into the apartment, she packs the children away in suitcases to smuggle them in. She forbids them to go outside. She doesn't have them in school. Appalled yet?

This film tells the story of (in most cases) their survival. Sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes encouraging, always poignant this story gripped me. And suddenly, at one point, I found tears streaming down my cheeks.

This is what I love about the power of story. Story has the ability to very quickly get under your skin and reach your emotions. It has the power to shoot straight for the heart and wrap its fingers around tight and not let go. I believe that's why so much of the Bible is written in story. It's why Jesus spoke in parables. It's why Brokeback Mountain was seen as so important and Uncle Tom's Cabin is taught about in school. There is power in story. Story brings a new level of personal connection to the reality of life.

I love when a book changes me or a movie challenges me. Have you ever had a book or movie change anything in your life for you? What things could we be using the power of story to affect change to right now?

Focus on the Meaning

One of the things I really love about my job is the constant parallels I draw between it and my spiritual life. I love the way the truth and story of God is woven into every bit of our lives, if we will only open our eyes wide enough to see. I'm sure that those of you who are parents experience this constantly in raising your children. My students are like my children (even though they are all older than me!) and this is where I see God.

I coach people into relearning how to read. To most of you, this probably seems like a foreign concept, once you can read that's the end of the story. Actually, though, many adults struggle with reading and it is not as easy and efficient as it should be for them. God designed our brains in such a way that reading is a process learned much like riding a bike and very much on a subconscious level. It is an extremely complex process that our schools have attempted to make an explicit rather than implicit process. So as a result I have conducted over 200 consultations with adults at our company and only found five who could in no way benefit from our program.

One of our main objectives is to turn the focus of reading on the meaning. When my students read out loud, they often worry about how they sound. Many of them speak a language other than English as their first language and have spent a lot of time worrying about pronunciation. Others have been made to feel ashamed for the way they read. Whatever their personal journey may be, they come to me with a lot of baggage in both the reading and educational departments.

My job is to help them realize that reading is about communicating with the author, and to get comfortable making mistakes. So many times a day I attempt to communicate to them how important the meaning is...that when they read, that's the only thing they should think about. They cycle over a passage...read it several times...and then read it for me. I can always tell when they are focusing on how it sounds. It will often sound good, but lacks the natural rhythm and comfort of their speech. So then once again, I remind them to focus on the meaning. I remind them that even if it sounds good, they must focus on the meaning in order to achieve the desired result.

You see, I can't believe how much this is like our Christian life. We worry and focus on the external. We spend time in abundance making sure our outer life and speech looks good. But it's only when we're focusing on the meaning, on God, that our lives and hearts really change. When we invite Him in to clean up the mess at the core of the problem--that's where and when the real change takes place. The lasting change. The permanent change. That's when the things we're doing spring from a connection with God and not a concern for outer appearances. But outer appearances will serve us for a time, just like a good sounding read will serve my students. They will serve us and lie to us and convince us that we're ok the way it is. We get distracted thinking that if everything looks okay on the outside, it must be okay. But it's not. And God knows it. Just like I can tell straight away when my students have been distracted by something else, so does God know the condition of our hearts and the motives behind our actions. So why do we even try to hide?

PS If anyone wants any more information about how to make sure your child is an excellent reader, feel free to ask.

Need Comes in Different Shapes and Sizes

This post is something that I've been pondering lately. It seems to me that it has become very trendy to talk about caring for the poor. (watch the pendulum swing.....) All of the sudden, Christians have taken up this cause, and especially in rich Christian America everyone has begun talking about what we can do. Please don't misunderstand, I think this is fantastic and necessary. It's very cool whenever we are stirred to love God's creation a little better. It's a wonderful thing to force ourselves outside of our comfort zones and think a little harder about how we live. I'm a huge fan of it. I love the idea that we might actually be able to make a difference in the lives of others.
The answer we usually come up with is a way to make some money to give to the people who know what they are doing. We send our money off to faraway places and feel better about not buying that new electronic so someone else's kid can eat. The job is on its way to being done.

I sponsor some children through a great organization called Compassion International. It couldn't be easier. They automatically take my money every month. If I wanted to, I would never have to think about these children again, but my money would still be going to them. Fortunately, that is not Compassion's goal. Do you know why? Because more than the money, it is the relationship that is paramount in the sponsorship. Compassion asks me to pray for these children. They ask me to write them letters. They have the children write letters to me. They even encourage me to go visit them. In essence, they want me to invite these children to be a real part of my life, to take a chunk of my heart. This is where the change takes place. This is where the cycle of poverty is broken. This is love.

I venture to say, to an American, money is not the most precious commodity to give, it is time. In a fantastic book I read recently (fiction!), Quaker Summer,author Lisa Samson called it "a ministry of presence."

So, the thing that got me thinking about all of this was the book The Nanny Diaries. I knew it had been made into a movie and I was looking for the release date. I read a review that said the only good thing about the movie was the relationship between the nanny and her charge. And I thought, well yes, that was the best part of the book as well. In fact, that book, which could be written off as mindless chick lit, tugged at my heart a lot when I read it. Because in so many ways it was the story of a boy who had every possible physical comfort, but lacked the thing he needed the most...the love of his parents.

Need, my dear friends, exists everywhere around us. In America, it is sometimes veiled. We don't always see it so clearly. But it is here, with us, growing bigger the more we try to quiet it with all the wrong things. If we really want to make a difference, we probably have to look no further than our neighbor. I think we often look to the big projects of missions or world aid and ignore the ministry of presence that is asking for us right in our own backyard.

Again, don't misunderstand. I think it's our responsibility to care for the poor. To feed the hungry. To love the unloved. All over the world. Every inch of it.

The Daily Grind

"I can't find my place on the tape."
"That's as good as it's going to get."
"I can't say that right."

These are just some of the phrases I hear a million times a day. And each time, I must patiently help my student find their place on the tape, encourage them that I KNOW they can do better, or admonish them to stop worrying about the pronunciation of words, and focus on the meaning.
It's part of my job as a tutor for reading improvement with a methodology that is contrary to what most people learned in school. I work with adults who are often embarrassed about their reading skills and many times speak limited English. (but NOT always) It's not that they can't read, it's just that they were labeled as "poor readers" in school and reading has always been both a tremendous chore and a source of shame. It doesn't have to be that way. In fact I feel pretty passionately that it doesn't have to be that way. I believe in what I do, I've seen lives changed. I've seen people go from being relunctant to read out loud to their kids to doing it enthusiastically. I've watched people confidently read passages without error, that would have been impossible for them when they started the program. I've heard my students talk about how they read for pleasure for the first time in their lives or how they now read the mail that comes to their house that they ignored before.

Maybe you're thinking, wow what a great job! You really get to make a difference!

I don't always feel that way. Because the company has made this program mandatory, many students, who already associate reading with all things bad, drag their feet. Sometimes they yell. They complain bitterly. They demand to know why I'm qualified. (have I ever mentioned that I look 15?) They "forget" to come and force me to call their supervisors. Sometimes I get tired of the tedious work, the repetition that is so important to succeeding with this program. And to my great shame, sometimes I lose patience.

So today, one of my students couldn't come. I'm reading random blog posts and I come across this one. It's about improving literacy in your children. And I snap out of the mega funk I've been in. I feel a jolt of emotion, feeling, and I must say something. I must speak up about reading, because I've seen a different side to the reading debate. And the best time to prevent reading problems is before a child learns to read. I feel a renewed sense of purpose in what I am doing in this period of my life. A new sense of passion.

How often is life like that? It's absolutely no wonder that in Galatians Paul says, "So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. " (NLT) We do grow weary even when we know in our heads and hearts that what we do matters and that is it important. It is easier to become cynical and jaded and to stop putting our hearts into it.

For me anyway.