Comments on My Friend Amy: On Being Offended

Guy You have got to see this. Obama playing on XBo...

2010-02-21T13:31:04.945-08:00

Guy
You have got to see this. Obama playing on XBox. Funniest video ever. http://bit.ly/bllhx1

Just wanted to let you know that You are The Kool-Aid Flavor of the Week :-)

susan..I hope some more people went over and check...

2010-01-22T19:06:25.134-08:00

susan..I hope some more people went over and checked out your efforts.

Meghan--it can feel like a shock, but I think just being aware is a first step to help us broaden our horizons.

Ari..thanks for taking the time to comment and for clarifying some things.

mjmbecky--thanks for reading. :)

thetruebookaddict...thank you so much for thinking of me.

April...I'm so glad!

BookDillettante--I think the title of this post might have been misleading. I may have felt a bit stung when my friend said that, but my point is that she was my friend...and helping me to see that in context of relationship made it possible for me to realize she was right. I don't think she meant to make me feel guilty at all...she was just nudging me towards seeing why I didn't see things she saw. But yes, b/c racism is such an emotionally charged reality, when someone suggests you participate in it or support a system that does, it can offensive. And while that shouldn't detract from getting something done like Renay and Ana have said, it also doesn't help to just assume everyone will be okay with it straight away. Changing perspective takes time and sometimes is painful.

Bonnie--absolutely. I will look out for your books. Thanks for commenting.

Mardel..I found your comment so incredibly interesting and you're right. We want to be acknowledged. I hope to see more diversity in publishing as well.

Thanks for taking the time to comment Michelle!

I'm late to the game here, but I just wanted t...

2010-01-22T18:26:59.018-08:00

I'm late to the game here, but I just wanted to reiterate what everyone else said about this being a beautiful, heart-felt post. Thank you for having the courage to be open and honest about a difficult topic! (And, as others have mentioned, if you lose any friends over being honest, then they weren't friends to begin with!)

I agree with a lot of what you said, and it boils ...

2010-01-20T11:06:49.468-08:00

I agree with a lot of what you said, and it boils down to your remark that;
"We want to see a gorgeous array of covers and we want young people, ALL young people to have that moment when they find themselves in the pages of a book, when they see a cover and know that book has a character that shares at least, if nothing else, the color of their skin".

That sums it all up for me. I happen to a few "ethnicities" running through me, though to see me, you might not notice as I take after my caucasion dad down to the blue eyes. Growing up though, I felt (and still do to some extent) disconnected from "white" people, and disconnected from spanish people (mom didn't teach us spanish, we taught her english). I don't see a lot of racism applied to me personally, but when certain teachers met my mother things changed for me in the classroom. I also noticed a lot more racism now, than while I was growing up. I remember being very surprised that the "minorities" could be racist with each other. Anyway, that's a little off topic.

I enjoyed your post, and as someone who is part spanish I notice when there are a lack of covermodels of color, and as someone who is part white I feel pissed off when I'm judged for being white and having "white privelidge" - But it happens to be true. If I get pulled over the cops aren't going to give me as hard a time as they might one of my darker-skinned friends. Life isn't fair, and a lot of "white" people didn't bring this on themselves, just happen to be born with light skin. The rest of my siblings and cousins are all obviously Latino-with me, you can only tell by certain features on my face, certainly not by the color of my skin. But that's the thing everyone needs to remember. We all just happened to be born with a certain skin color, and we all basically want the same thing-to be acknowledged. The publishing houses do need to make a bigger and better effort of recognizing all the diverse people who buy books, read books. They are ignoring a huge population, a huge potential market.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and incisive...

2010-01-20T09:43:10.802-08:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and incisive post. As a writer I want people to read my work. As a black writer, I want people to read my work, regardless of their background or ethnicity AND regardless of the color of my characters skin. I know I read books by all kinds of authors and all kinds of genres simply because I am looking for a good read. I just would like more readers to expand and include writers of color in their libraries. That would be great.

Bonnie J. Glover, Author
THE MIDDLE SISTER
GOING DOWN SOUTH

I think your friend's response, "Because ...

2010-01-20T09:42:12.927-08:00

I think your friend's response, "Because you're white" probably only meant that you might not experience race in the same way that monorities might. I'm sure she meant no offense. Her experiences might not be the same as yours simply because you are both seen differently and maybe treated differently. It's a fact of life that different people are often seen and treated differently. I don't think that should be offensive to point it out, and it probably was not meant to be offensive.

What a terrific, heartfelt and wonderful post, Amy...

2010-01-20T08:44:37.492-08:00

What a terrific, heartfelt and wonderful post, Amy. Kuddos to you. I am going to check out the blogs that you mentioned right now.

Wonderful post Amy...such honesty and integrity. ...

2010-01-20T01:33:29.963-08:00

Wonderful post Amy...such honesty and integrity. I thought about your post for awhile before commenting. Your honesty is the reason I am giving you this award:

http://thetruebookaddict.blogspot.com/2010/01/awards.html

Nothing more needs to be said by me here than to s...

2010-01-19T19:52:35.254-08:00

Nothing more needs to be said by me here than to say, "Well said" as always Amy. Thanks for your post.

Hi Doret, Your name is mentioned because you part...

2010-01-19T19:07:39.166-08:00

Hi Doret,

Your name is mentioned because you participated in a conversation on another blog (one that inspired this post) I didn't link to that post here, but it's why I've mentioned you.

I've read this four times now and I am still t...

2010-01-19T18:56:25.229-08:00

I've read this four times now and I am still trying to understand why my name is mentioned.

So, Amy tell me what I said that you need the space and grace to be offended.

Please, post it here so everyone can see.
Do I blog about books featuring people of color? Yes.

Am I upset that more bloggers don't? Yes

Though, at the beginning of the year, I've realized I can't worry about what other people do or don't do.

I finally understand it is what it is. Some people just won't change.
I've come to peace with that.

"I ask that you seek out books with people of color as characters or maybe more importantly, authors. Again this isn't something you have to do."

"Again this isn't something you have to do" -

That is a clear example of White privilege. Readers of color don't have the choice about ignoring White authors or White protagonist.

And you know what, I don't want to. I just finished the newest Melina Marchetta - Finnikin of the Rock. I loved it so much. Marchetta can do no wrong in my eyes.

I refuse to miss a great story simply because of skin color

I've read and scanned through most of the comm...

2010-01-19T18:49:57.677-08:00

I've read and scanned through most of the comments here I just want to point out the following
1) Thank you for all the love Amy and I don't think you will lose any friends over this post. It's honest and heartfelt. You're amazing, with so much energy and heart!

2)I'm tired of the boycotts don't work arguement. I'm with Colleen, if boycotts don't work how did Martin Luther King Jr. do what he did? Fiery oratory, exceptional organization and boycotts! (and a lot more but you know what I mean)
3) I think all white people have white privilege even if you live in Applachia because you will never be discirmnated aganist because of your skin color. Because of your class yes, but that's easier to change than your skin color

4) Somone mentioned they wanted to read a book with a Jamaican accent: 8th Grade Superzero by Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich. The mc is Jamaican and it doesn't play a huge part in the novel, it's more subtle. Awesome book!

5) I think that people who are saying that we aren't getting to the deeper issue here haven't been reading other posts. Because that's exactly what we're trying to do, make people think and realize how few POC books there are out there and so when they are published and have whitewashed covers, its devastating. And covers do matter, we do all think about them, especially if we haven't heard of the book (if you've heard good things about the book that's different).

Thanks for this post Amy and I encourage everyone to speak out and take action :)

We want to see a gorgeous array of covers and w...

2010-01-19T16:12:51.135-08:00
We want to see a gorgeous array of covers and we want young people, ALL young people to have that moment when they find themselves in the pages of a book, when they see a cover and know that book has a character that shares at least, if nothing else, the color of their skin. And we want to see books published where a young person can see, even though the character's skin color, religion, or sexual orientation is different that they still relate and find that thread that binds us all together. Humanity.

Perfectly said. As was your entire post.

At this point I don't think I have anything to...

2010-01-19T04:02:26.327-08:00
At this point I don't think I have anything to add to the discussion, but I applaud you for this post, Amy. I agree with so many above that your honesty and openness is a huge part of why we love you and I'm 100% behind bringing this out into the open and making us all question our own assumptions about race and how we are to go about making diversity better represented. I was startled when I was introduced to the concept of white privilege myself but it has really caused me to question my own worldview. I'm doing my best to purposely broaden my horizons this year and consider the situations of others who are not like me in a way I might not have done before.

I agree that anger is not the way to go, and just today when I have finally opened up GR I'm astonished at the anger going around. So I'm glad you spoke out, and it's hard to believe anyone could be angry with you about such a heartfelt post.

How do I say this without shutting down all the lo...

2010-01-19T03:39:00.157-08:00
How do I say this without shutting down all the love here?

Outside of those of you I already know, why haven't any of the rest of you commented at Black-Eyed Susan's or sent me any correspondence. All this understanding but no direct contact?

Once again the offended, one of the people directly involved here is being talked about instead of talked to.

While I may be direct and candid, I don't bite. I am interested in dialogue. How about coming to my space for a change?

I don't think I say it enough, Chris, but you ...

2010-01-18T22:36:44.810-08:00
I don't think I say it enough, Chris, but you have been an absolute teacher and guide in humility and love to me. And for that I thank you.

I just wanted to pop in my two cents, Amy. First o...

2010-01-18T22:12:33.438-08:00
I just wanted to pop in my two cents, Amy. First of all, thank you for this post. I always love what you have to say, my friend :) There are certain people in this community that I can't thank enough for what they've given me. You're one of them. I'm one of those people that always came from privilege. Of course I was and am aware of racism and always will be...it's something that sadly won't disappear. I come from a family that is sadly, not so in tune with their own white privilege...they know they have it, but they unfortunately use it way too often.

Bloggers like Renay and Ana and you, Amy really opened my eyes to what I have. To how skewed my worldview is and have challenged me to look at the world how it REALLY IS. And it's not so pretty all the time. Or I should rephrase that. It's beautiful. It's really freaking beautiful. I've actually always appreciated the diversity that this world has, but it's so freaking sad how clouded we become by what we're given based on our skin color alone...me included. It really is a training process to see beyond that and it's one that I continue to go through.

Anyway, I could ramble forever on this. But thank you Amy...thanks for this post and for making me think :)

Thanks for stopping by Colleen. After reading Sus...

2010-01-18T22:01:58.109-08:00
Thanks for stopping by Colleen. After reading Susan's post, the boycott thing clicked better for me. Once again, I was being ignorant and framing things out of my perspective and experience where boycotts=not successful instead of looking at the larger picture of history.

If there's a term you and Kevin prefer (perhaps the elimination of white in front of privilege?) I'm open to it. But as has been stated, we do all experience varying degrees of discrimination in different areas of our lives and what I meant to say is, I could afford to be ignorant to racial issues because they didn't affect me directly.

And yes, I agree bad cover decision. And I loved the Frog Princess for many reasons. Been meaning to write about that.

I agree with Kevin (I think - way at the beginning...

2010-01-18T21:38:52.858-08:00
I agree with Kevin (I think - way at the beginning) and take issue with "white privilege" as well because I think that socioeconomics play a bigger part of privilege than anything else. In other words, being Caucasian does not grant you a life of privilege as anyone who has seen Appalachia would agree.

But I understand what you are saying here - I get your larger point.

Having said that...the irony of writing "Change does not happen with loudly shouted words. It does not happen with boycotts." on Martin Luther King Jr Day is not lost on me. Actually, boycotts have effected huge change in the past as everyone knows. Is it the right thing to do in this case? Susan thinks so and it's what she wants to do. Some folks will disagree with her and that's okay. She's making her voice heard the way she wants.

I really think part of what blew up at Story Siren was the way the original question was framed - "Am I a bad person for not noticing this"? I'm sure Kristi had no idea things were going to get out of control like they did but it quickly became less about racism in a book cover and more about good or bad people and, well, that is so not good.

I do think folks need to realize that a cover like Magic Under Glass is damaging though because it is an affirmation of the out dated idea that dark skinned young women do not sell something as well as white skinned young women do. I think "The Frog Princess" proved that wrong in a very big and obvious way and yet, publishing still doesn't believe it. They should be out in front of this issue and not behind which is what is so frustrating to me and I imagine a lot of other folks as well.

Kathy--Thanks. Heidi--thanks for stopping by! ...

2010-01-18T19:56:15.411-08:00
Kathy--Thanks.

Heidi--thanks for stopping by! I hope we're all in this together and that we can indeed bring change.

Lilly--this is true. There are all sorts of ways we discriminate against each other. And I'm sorry for the pain you suffered at the hands of people who needed a way to feel in control.

Renay--that makes sense thanks for clarifying. I don't mean to give anyone an easy out..I actually want everyone to feel their offense and uncover the root of why. But it's a tall order!

Jodie--yes, we all need extra measures of humility I think. None of us are all right or all knowing. but for some reason being teachable can hurt. I think the absolute world of Ari. She's amazing.

Rebecca--well said.

Thanks, Mom.

L.Diane Wolfe--thanks.

Vasilly--I certainly support your decision to do whatever you think is necessary. And I am well aware of the good work Susan and Doret are doing.

thanks Florinda.

Sandy--of course you're right. I touched on it only briefly in this post, but there seems to be no end to ways we can hate each other.

Thank you Melody.

Mylastread--you bring up like, a whole other kettle of fish and I'm really interested in your thoughts and perspectives. Thank you so much for weighing in.

Susan--thanks for stopping by

Staci--thanks for commenting.

Aarti--yes I think digging into the deeper issue o...

2010-01-18T19:37:30.052-08:00
Aarti--yes I think digging into the deeper issue of why is important. aNd in general I think the answer is still that we don't feel we have enough in common. People have told me that
they avoid books that are clearly marketed or labeled as being about POC because they don't think it's "for them." I agree covers are a symptom, but they are a symptom that are showing us we need to look deeper.

Ana--I think we have to take into account that personal offence is always going to be a part of the process. When you're asking people to consider they are actually supporting something they know on a conscious level is wrong.
I do agree that we have to everything to keep it from becoming a fight, because from my personal experience, nothing shuts down a conversaton faster than anger.

Amanda--I think that gives you a unique perspective to offer. And I personally want to hear all perspectives. :)

Thanks Heather.

Candace--if you want to send me an email with a response, I welcome your thoughts as they often sharpen my own.

Pam--I"m sorry you've been bashed and yay for your daughter! I know Carleen Brice did an event on twitter once where they offered suggestions of black authors similar
to white authors. I added a ton of books to my wishlist and bought a few. (haven't read them yet but that has more to do with my review schedule than anything)

Fence--yes true, I agree. And the best is having a good hearted loving person point it out.

Renay--I definitely see that. And I'm sorry for it...I think the best thing to do is engage with the people who want to learn. I don't know does that sound lame? also, I just think anger shuts down
a conversation really fast. I think it makes people think, why bother? I see this in all kinds of arenas. I also think, the longer we live with something burning a flame inside of us, and the more intimately
acquainted we become with injustice the harder it is to remember what it was like to be the ignorant one. And so we think fueling our anger is the fastest way to deal with it.
When I talk about love, I don't mean we should be nicey-nice or too polite. I think it's possible to be direct and completely honest and still be acting in love.

Thanks for stopping by April and for your kind and honest words.

JC Martin--thank you. I wish there were more books with black characters and a Jamaican accent as well! Anyway your comment really touched me and I thank you for
taking the time to leave it.

Chris--yes, I hope we can work together. :)

Thanks Lauren! Ronnica--that sounds like an inter...

2010-01-18T18:53:07.450-08:00
Thanks Lauren!

Ronnica--that sounds like an interesting book, I'll have to look for it

Natasha--thanks. Yes they are some pretty fine bloggers.

bookmagic--Thanks. I agree we need to be able to talk about this stuff and have grace for each other.
And..know when we need to step away as well.

Dawn--I think when we've wrestled with an issue once, it can be hard to listen again.

Jen--thanks.

Ed--thanks for commenting. And well said.

Kevin--I'm not exactly sure how to respond to your comment. For me, I was just blind because I could afford to be blind.

Dan--Excellent excellent point. We all have areas in which we are misunderstood and in the minority. It should help us make that transfer as you say.

Tasha--well said. I pretty much love everything you said.

GMR-- I agree and I hope we get to see more good stories about all kinds of people.

Beth--thanks for stopping by!

I have no idea why anyone would be offended by you...

2010-01-18T18:24:09.447-08:00
I have no idea why anyone would be offended by your post Amy. This is a truthful and honest revelation....thank you for giving me a lot to ponder.

Renay, Thanks for saying what I felt wasn't b...

2010-01-18T18:10:15.971-08:00
Renay,

Thanks for saying what I felt wasn't being heard. Vasilly, I'm glad you got my back.

To all who participated in this discussion, thank you. I don't want or need agreement. It has been a long, hard road making my voice heard thanks to what Amy said building relationships, making allies and refusing to be silent.

I don't expect you all to boycott, to like my tone or my message. I do expect the space and freedom to be heard.